After couple days since you all left California, I didn’t cry. All I felt was a sense of joy and contentment that my favorite friends had came to visit me and we went on a road trip and spent a week together. I regained a kind of joy I used to have everyday in high school but have lost along the way since I moved to LA.
Having you all around me in LA definitely taught me a valuable lesson: that I can learn to live in a place I don’t love and be comfortable with who I am without letting the pressure to change get to me. This is not just applicable in LA. It could be applied to anywhere. This was my first realization.
My second realization occurred to me when I opened my “letter to self” that I wrote on January 1st, 2016 for the me on January 1st, 2017. It mentioned many things and concerns that I had at the moment when I was writing that letter. It mentioned my relationship problems, my lack of self love and the desire to address them both through persistent and strong mindset as well as healthy connections with my friends and family. I felt like I did not deviate too far from what I had in mind for the 2016 Ivy, but I did not love myself enough in 2016. And self love has been the center of tension in my relationship and my relationship with myself. So this is definitely something worth patiently working on in 2017.
The third realization is a little bit unexpected. Yesterday I connected with a person who has helped launched a start up company, and he sent me a link to do a trait/quality test to find out how similar my innate quality are with the desired qualities for the job position I want to have. It turns out that my personality does not quite fit into what I have envisioned for myself to do after college. And this further verify my doubt about my major choice and my hope to go back to graduate school later to major in something that truly resonate with my passion.
Anyways, since 2016 is the year where we “realizing stuff,” I hope 2017 will be a year that we out those realization we have into actual practice.